I only really trust people who've failed

It might sound strange to say this, but I can't really connect with people who haven't failed or suffered. Further, I don't really respect them or even trust them. 

This thought came to me as I was chatting with a friend a while back. My friend's son had done an internship at a prestigious firm last summer. This firm is well known, has a strong reputation, and looks great on a resume. The young man fully expected to receive a job offer to come back as an associate when he graduated. But no such offer ever came. The student was shocked. He was bright, hard working, charming, and lots of other things. He would be a great addition to any team. But he was passed over and left to figure out what just happened.

His dad, an amazing businessman, said something to the effect of, "Well, now you have to figure this out." And he didn't mean that he was going to write a letter to someone or ask his connections to give his son a helping hand. He didn't mean that his son had to figure out why he wasn't given a job offer and find a way back in. My friend meant that his son had to figure out what to do with this moment of rejection, failure, and negative surprise.

My gut reaction was, "Wow, I'm jealous that he gets to learn this lesson now." What a gift to have a brush with failure so early in professional life. It's hard work to figure out what to do with yourself. What do you learn from this and take forward? What do you leave behind? How do you process the emotion and hit to your ego? What do you decide to do next?

I don't want people to fail—far from it! But I do want the people I care about to have helpful resources during dark times when they wrestle with self doubt and when they're tempted to blame the world for misfortune. There's an important muscle that's discovered or strengthened during those times; and I posit that that muscle is Growth Mindset. What are you going to make of this moment? Of yourself in this moment? Will you grieve? Will you learn and grow? I certainly hope so! 

Growth mindset is not characterized by what you do when things are going well. It's something you choose when things aren't going well. But it does need a place to start, and I'm impressed with my friend, the businessman and amazing father, who encouraged his kid to start building that superpower now.