It's Not Self-Care. It's Executive Performance Management.

Say the phrase “self-care” to a room of leaders, and most of them picture time with the kids or maybe a massage. It conjures something pleasant, maybe indulgent, but definitely something optional, which means it’s the first thing to go when the week gets heavy. And yet, we talk about the oxygen mask being so critical to our daily functionality. There really should be a different name for this. Let’s use ”Executive Performance Management” instead. It more clearly speaks to how you curate your performance capacity (energy, health, attention) with as much care as you tend anything else that deeply matters.

A “performance management exercise” may involve the same activities (maybe), but from a completely different perspective. Being intentional about rest and disconnecting is not about producing “more.” Rest shapes your health, your judgment, your closest relationships, your innovation, and your sense of what all the work is even for. Better performance is just the beginning.

“Our minds must relax: they will rise better and keener after a rest.” ~Seneca, On Tranquility of the Mind

Rest Is Not the Reward You Earn After the Work. It Is the Foundation Everything Else Stands On.

Here is the mindset shift I keep coming back to: wellbeing is not self-care. It is performance infrastructure.

Think about how an elite athlete trains or how a skilled performer hones her craft. They don’t grind every day until the season ends and then collapse into recovery. Instead, recovery is intentionally built into the program. Rest, sleep, nutrition, and deliberate downtime are not what they do instead of training. All of that is part of the training. It is the only way a body keeps producing at that level, week after week, without breaking down. As a wise colleague has pointed out to me again and again, why don’t we take care of ourselves in a similar way?

As leaders, we are asked to perform at a high level, under real pressure, for long days, quarter after quarter, years on end. But somewhere along the way, we were taught to treat recovery as the reward for performance, rather than the foundation underneath it. No wonder we “never have time” and keep burning out and keep battling against overwhelm. It’s no mystery why we are often tempted to do things the easy way, because we’re overstretched. Expressed another way, downtime, reflection, recovery, and the like are a foundation to our being. And you do not pour a foundation after the house is built. You lay it down first, let it settle, and THEN place everything else on top. When we frame it that way, this isn’t something you can skip. 

The idea of rest goes well beyond sleep, because our minds, emotional selves, relationships, and spirituality all need replenishing. It’s a wonder why we rarely give ourselves permission to really focus on them.

You Cannot Make More Time. You Can Make More Energy.

I hear this almost every other week, actually. People think, “I need to get better at time management,” when the dysfunction is very different. “Time management” tends to fail the people at the top. By the time you are running a firm or a function, you have basically won at time management. Your calendar is blocked, defended, and color-coded within an inch of its life. So when the day still ends with you feeling behind, the instinct is to manage the time even harder - and that is the one lever that has nothing left to give. 

Consider this: You already plan around the fact that everyone on your team has a finite number of hours and a finite amount of energy. You just never run the same math on yourself. You are not an unlimited resource either. You never were.

I love the language of “energy management.” Energy plays by completely different rules. There are peaks and valleys; it can be well used or squandered; and there are many different types of energy. One of the things I love most about energy management ideas is the fact that we can create more energy if we do certain things. When my clients start strategizing around their energy, they discover more of it, and it lasts longer. Amazingly, they’re doing more high-impact things, they’re clearer on priorities, they’re stronger around boundaries. It’s beautiful to watch. (If you’re new to the energy management sphere, there are a ton of great books, podcasts, and articles on the subject.)

What Rest Looks Like for You

When it comes to rest, here are three things to think about.

1) Your usual objections

The idea of downtime can terrify people. Again, I see it nearly every week when I suggest that maybe my client is worn out. I hear things like:

• If I stop, I’ll lose momentum

• Taking a break feels like giving up

• I can’t afford to pause

• I don’t actually know how to stop

I challenge these ideas with a simple thought: Is that your best thinking, or is that the anxiety-driven survival mode that has dominated your mental and emotional state (maybe for years)? 

2) What actually qualifies as downtime for you?

How about also the idea that your objection to downtime might be due to the fact that your idea of what downtime is won’t work for you. Sitting on a deck doing nothing for hours isn’t rest for some people; it’s madness. If you’re an energetic person, doing something completely different may be restful to you, like an engaging hobby or a learning journey. (I’ve noticed that passionate, intense people have intense hobbies, but that dynamic completely works for them.)

3) What are you seeking?

One last idea for today: consider what you’re trying to “accomplish” with rest. Odd as it sounds, there’s something I personally look for when I have downtime. When my mind clears, my thoughts reorder themselves, my emotions regulate, my lungs breathe fully and calmly, my joy unfolds, my shoulders relax, I know I’m back to a good, centered place. It’s almost like I’m coming back to myself.

Closing Thoughts

And yes, it’s hard. The irony of all this is that it does take a little bit of work to optimize rest for yourself. On the other hand, it’s so very worth it!  Because once you unlock that for yourself, it’s amazing.